HEAR YE, HEAR YE. By the authority granted to us by the sacred order of corrugation, we, Duke Corrugato and Lady Flute of Cardboard Royale, hereby decree the following regulations concerning Delivery Day.
Article One: The Arrival
When the doorbell rings, all subjects shall run to the door at speed and assemble in a semicircle. No subject shall open the door. This is the task of the human, who has been trained for it and will be thanked later with a stare.
Article Two: The Inspection
Every parcel shall be sniffed on all sides. Parcels bearing the smell of another animal shall be treated with suspicion. Parcels bearing no smell at all shall be treated with suspicion and respect.
Article Three: The Claim
- The first cat to sit on a box owns it
- A box with its contents removed is open to claim by anyone
- A box with its contents still inside is the property of the human, until they leave the room
- Tape shall be removed by claw, for entertainment
Article Four: The Disposal
No box shall be recycled before it has been used for at least seven days. A box sent for recycling prematurely shall be considered an act of aggression, and the offending human shall be subject to a prolonged meow at 4 AM.
Article Five: Gratitude
All cats shall express gratitude to the delivery driver by watching from the window. The driver may or may not know of this honour. It is nonetheless sincere.
Conclusion
These decrees take effect immediately and will be enforced with great seriousness by the royal guards, who are asleep. Violators will be stared at.
Signed with a paw print, by the Duke and the Lady, and countersigned by the cat on the radiator.
Appendix: Penalties
Subjects who break the Decree shall be subject to the following penalties, to be determined by the court and enforced by the nearest cushion. A first offence shall earn a cold look. A second offence shall earn a long silence at dinner. A third offence shall result in being placed on the bad list, which is a piece of paper on the fridge.
This decree is a work of satire.