TO: All residents and staff. FROM: The Royal Office of Acoustics. RE: Bubble wrap.
It has come to our attention that bubble wrap has been appearing in the lobby, in the corridors, and on at least one throne. This memo clarifies the rules.
Background
Bubble wrap arrives with certain deliveries as a protective layer. Once removed, it becomes a sheet of tiny, popping delights that attract cats from across the property. The sound of a pop, small and sharp, causes the ears to turn. The second pop causes the head to turn. The third pop causes the whole body to leap.
Concerns Raised
- Noise levels reached 62 decibels on Monday
- A cat sat in the middle of a sheet for four hours, popping nothing
- A kitten attempted to pop the whole sheet at once
- An elderly resident complained that the popping reminded him of rain
New Rules
Bubble wrap shall be allowed on weekdays between 10 AM and noon. Popping outside those hours shall be considered a disturbance. Any cat caught popping at night shall be issued a warning in the form of a gentle sigh.
Alternatives
Cats who find themselves unable to resist the pop may use the Pop Room, a designated space in the basement filled with old bubble wrap, soft flooring, and a very understanding cushion. Entry is free.
Special Note
The satisfaction of a pop is a universal pleasure. It does not discriminate between age, breed, or social standing. The Royal Office, though committed to peace and quiet, recognises this and urges all residents to be kind.
Thank you for your understanding and your silence between the hours specified.
Further Reading
Residents who wish to learn more about the history of bubble wrap and its role in modern society may consult the Royal Library, a shelf in the study. The books are mostly used for sitting, but one volume on packaging is genuinely informative and has been chewed.
Please direct questions about this memo to the front desk, which is unmanned.
This memo is a fictional parody.