Tag: real estate

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Press Release: Cardboard Royale Opens a Second Location in a Slightly Bigger Box

A cat standing proudly in front of an enormous flattened cardboard sign

Cardboard Royale is pleased to announce the opening of its second location, a handsome refrigerator box delivered yesterday to the corner of the dining room. The new premises offer double the floor space, triple the echo, and a view of the radiator.

A Milestone for the Company

“This is the biggest moment in our history,” said Duke Corrugato, who was lying inside the box at the time. “We have grown from one box to two, and we have never looked back, mostly because we were looking at the box.”

Features of the New Location

  • Two rooms, joined by a tunnel
  • A skylight, cut by a claw
  • An entrance hall with a built in scratching pad
  • A secret exit, known only to the staff
  • A rooftop terrace, flat and slightly damp

The Opening Ceremony

The ribbon was cut by the youngest member of the royal family, a kitten named Tab. The ribbon was a piece of tape. Tab became entangled, rolled across the floor, and was freed by three courtiers. The guests applauded politely.

Impact on the Local Community

The new location will create employment opportunities for up to four cats, though they will have to compete with the existing staff for a small number of cushions. We expect the community to benefit from an increase in quality loafing.

Looking to the Future

Our expansion plans include a third location, a tall box we have spotted in the hallway. It is currently occupied, but we are in negotiations with the owner, a laundry basket.

About Cardboard Royale

Cardboard Royale offers fine corrugated living since the last delivery. We are a fictional enterprise, and our properties are strictly figments of the imagination.

Staff Comments

Lady Flute, who attended the ceremony from within her usual cushion, described the new location as adequate. This is the highest praise she has ever given. The staff celebrated with a short parade down the hallway, which ended when someone discovered a sock.

We would like to thank all those who supported us on our journey, including the vendor of the box, who has asked to remain anonymous and unreturned.

This announcement is an exercise in satire.

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Fine Corrugated Living: A Buyer’s Guide to Boxes

A cat peering out from a large brown cardboard box in a sunlit room

At Cardboard Royale, we believe a home is more than four walls and a flap. It is a place where a cat can sit in comfort, look out upon the world, and decline to participate in it. Choosing the right box is a serious decision, so allow us to guide you.

Consider the Dimensions

The first rule of box selection is that the cat must fit, but only just. A box that is too large offers no sense of enclosure and may as well be a room. A box that is too small can still be entered, although this is a matter of will and not of space. Our consultants measure each client with a tape and a sigh.

Evaluate the Walls

Corrugated walls are the mark of quality. Single wall is suitable for casual occupancy. Double wall is recommended for permanent residents. Triple wall is reserved for the Royal Suites and has been known to withstand a determined sibling.

Inspect the Flaps

  • Open flaps offer a sense of freedom and a draught
  • Closed flaps offer privacy and a gentle sense of mystery
  • Half open flaps offer both, and are therefore the preferred choice of the indecisive
  • Torn flaps are described in the listing as character

Check the Previous Owner

A box with history is a box with soul. We provide a full provenance for every property, including its original contents. A box that once carried a kettle is robust. A box that once carried a hat is delicate. A box that once carried a wedding cake is, frankly, aspirational.

Location, Location, Location

A box in the middle of the hallway is highly visible and suitable for ambushes. A box in the corner offers shelter and discretion. A box on the kitchen floor is positioned for snacks. Our agents recommend a box near a radiator, but warn that radiators are in high demand.

Mortgage and Terms

All properties are offered on a standard lease of nine lives. Payment is accepted in treats, cuddles, or a single determined stare. Early termination is permitted should the box be flattened by a human without notice.

We look forward to helping you find your forever box, at least until Thursday.

This guide is satirical and not real property advice.