One of the most common enquiries we receive is whether a particular cat can fit into a particular box. Our research division has spent many hours studying the matter, and the results are, frankly, inconclusive.
The Liquid Theory
A cat is not a solid. A cat is a liquid that has agreed, for the time being, to take the shape of a cat. As a result, a cat will fit into any box with a base larger than its belly, provided it is allowed to pour.
The Rule of Three
- If the cat can fit its head, it can fit its shoulders
- If the cat can fit its shoulders, it can fit its body
- If the cat can fit its body, it will sit in the box and refuse to leave
- If the box is too small, the cat will sit on it instead
Exceptions
There are three well documented exceptions to the Liquid Theory. The first is a very large cat. The second is a very large box. The third is the cat that has recently eaten a very large meal, which must wait until the following morning.
Testing Methods
Our researchers place a cat near a box and observe. If the cat ignores the box, it is a failed trial. If the cat investigates the box, it is a promising trial. If the cat enters the box, performs a spin, and settles, it is a perfect trial and one for the record books.
What About Tape Outlines?
The research is very clear. A square drawn on the floor with tape will be treated as a box and occupied at once. This is known as the Tape Effect, and it is the only part of our study that has been peer reviewed, by a cat.
Our Conclusion
A cat fits wherever it wants to. Whether a box allows it is a matter for the box.
This post is satirical and not a genuine scientific report.